Alf’s favorite food was neighborhood cats. And that’s how I remembered it because I was an innocent child who was going to heaven. It never dawned on me until today, the day the internet caught me slipping, that this literally makes him a pussy eater.

Well, this killed the last bit on childhood innocence I had left. Somehow I have resisted into my 40s making this connection

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Do they sell them? My local library holds a book sale every so often (6 or 12 months, not sure). Books are usually $1 for a novel up to $3-4 for a textbook sized book. It’s always packed. Some people bring carts and fill them up with dozens of books.

I pay quarterly so I don’t get hit with a big bill at the end of the year

Should be called Everything Is A Toilet Seat Day

I used to joke with a friend that we should start a business selling rulers that were inaccurate so that there was about 1/2 to 3/4 inch between the inch marks. We could have been rich

No but if you’re looking to sell it, I need to do some measuring that it would be perfect for

Don’t judge those who can’t afford Axe Body Spray

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As long as they’re naked

A million heartbeats is 10 days. A billion is 27 years

Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed

A real man would do it in the trash can inside the dairy queen

I understood SNL