You know that’s not fair to the llama. I would hope you’d love your pet llama enough to take all the drugs yourself.

I agree with all your points except that a cat who sees you actually using the table will want to join in! For the attention mostly, but also to do stuff with you.

I don’t know where you live but in California, the crows are native species.

Edit: so if they eat a sparrow they’re defending the environment

And yet it’s not positioned for you to look out the window

Your kitty is at least as smart as a human baby, they’re scared of identical twins too.

They’re WRONG, don’t you see!? Don’t you smell and hear the clues!? Am I the only one who’s not fooled!?

We all have to override our fear of identical twins with logic, but there’s a reason for the “evil twin” trope.

Edit: of course, you could be the evil one, but that’s okay because every evil villain loves their cat.

Anybody checked under “Krasnov” yet?

Although they are independent-minded and capable of living alone, I firmly believe cats appreciate and reciprocate affection. Feral cats often live in groups, and even nurse each other’s kittens. You’re not just thumbs to your kitty, although I’m never sure which of us is the pet.

You can’t teach a cat to stay off anything they want to be on, you can only train them to not do it when you’re looking, and/or jump away when you catch them at it. Or you can change something about it to make them dislike it, because with cats it’s always “what’s in it for me?” I love cats, when they choose to be friends with you it’s a real choice, not just a pack instinct.

And I don’t think those were clean hands

Cute joke, but more likely osteoporosis, preceded by childbearing. Pregnancy hormones make tendons in general soften/stretch, in order for the pelvis to let the head through. I had C-sections, but my feet spread out and apparently the rest of my bones sagged a bit too. And now I’m getting thinner vertebrae.

My doctor’s office measured my height along with my weight last year. First time I remember since I’ve been an adult. I’m an old white woman and apparently I’ve lost an inch.

God, looking around at … everything:

Toldja ya shouldn’t bite it.

That’s a lot of manky sex to put up with just for a joke

The first neighbor obviously has no idea how you really spent the night, is only living their dream of late-night parties through seeing you come home as they leave for work.

The random friend may be able to see your lights go on, and your mum may want to know you’re alive and safe without bothering you. Mums start that the first night their baby sleeps in another room and it continues their whole life. Most of us don’t have that neighbor friend and just have to hope our kids text us once in awhile. I hope your mum lets you live your life without judgement. And I hope the random friend would let you know if something happened to your mum.

Not them, but mashed potatoes! You’ll need to add more milk than if you boiled the potatoes, but that’s good calcium you’re getting. Could also be an ingredient for gnocchi. It would freeze fine, because you’re gonna smoosh it around after thawing anyway.

You might as well cook the whole pack of bacon too, because frozen cooked bacon slices are convenient and keep well.

Aspirin

(and bandaids in the US)

“Don’t care.”

Not just blatantly ignorant, willfully choosing to ignore the Constitution even when confronted with it.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excess_mortality_in_the_Soviet_Union_under_Joseph_Stalin#%3A~%3Atext=This+contained+official+records+of%2Cofficially+recorded+victims+in+these

Gotta rub up and make her smell like Family again!

“Mysagonist” misogynist… Typo or am I missing a joke about agony under Stalin?