Since Trump is slang for fart in UK, I propose it be re-renamed to Guff of America in his honour. I bet he wouldn’t even notice.

And we all know how the “I was only following orders” defence goes down in the Hague…

• Donald Trump declares peace in the Middle East, despite ongoing Israel attacks
• Steven Seagal stars in patriotic Russian film as personal favour to Putin
• FCC attempts to shut down MSNBC on grounds of unpatriotic reporting
• Another ship gets stuck in the Suez Canal.
• European countries start national stockpiling of olive oil.

Do you think the Christmas gods would relent this year if we just offered up a small fortune to Mariah?

I had to check if this was an Onion article…

Poutine

The thing is, bluetooth is not a perfect solution. It drains battery, is patchy and has variable audio quality, creates yet another thing to remember to charge (children are rubbish at remembering so just end up blaring awful videos on long journeys for everyone to hear), you can have issues with connecting devices that are literally inches away, and crucially - they are not mutually exclusive. I currently have a Samsung A52S which has a 3.5mm jack as well as Bluetooth technology. Even phones 10 years ago offered both. They are just removing an option many people still opt to use - especially those who can’t afford good quality expensive wireless headphones.

It is a cheap, universal option. Bluetooth technology is expensive and have diminishing battery performance. I’ve accidentally put £5 wired headphones through the wash before and still work perfectly. They last an entire plane trip UK to Australia without running out. If I am doing a task that requires my hands and don’t want to snag, I have wireless ones I can use.

It’s not something that needs replacing. I don’t need my phone to be thinner than 3.5mm, I m going to put a chunky protective case on it regardless.

It’s like getting rid of public transport because most people drive.