As someone who has many ADHD traits, but never formally diagnosed, I always view this perspective as strange. Like you’re so incensed by it, you get defensive and almost act like you have zero responsibility on the issue and everyone should just accept you and allow you concessions because you can’t keep your shit together.
I’ve certainly ‘grown’ out of a lot of it, but a lot of it is hard work and establishing habits to minimise issues. It lets me live a better life and to treat it like a disability is only selling yourself short.
I am not diagnosed either and I too have managed my life somewhat okayish so far because I have some really good people around me, but at the same time I know A LOT of ADHDers irl and they are all very different both when it comes to severity of their symptoms and what types of symptoms they have.
What is somewhat manageable to me is impossible to others and what others are able to do, I am unable to myself.
I know high functioning ADHDers and I know severe cases where their symptoms are so bad, even when on medication, that they will never be able to function in society.
If I may compare, you and I may be partially blind. It is definitely enough to affect us in our daily lives. At least it is for me. But we are able to manage and somewhat navigate the world and we can still see shapes and colors, just very out of focus.
What you’re essentially doing with your post is asking someone who was born without eyes to see as well as you do. “Just get some glasses. It worked for me.”
But they are blind, bro. They don’t have eyes. Both of you are blind, but blindness is on a spectrum, just like ADHD is.
I never considered that what I was dealing with could be ADHD because the ADHDers I had known up until that point were the severe cases and they never got any better. Some of them didn’t try at all while others really did their best and yet they still failed constantly.
I’m relatively good at hiding my failings so people don’t notice unless they are paying attention. But I still fail almost daily despite having tried all types of organizing systems, scolding myself into getting my shit together and establishing this and that routine. I always fail. I keep trying, but I will never be able to get good at having structure in my life no matter how much I want it. I can see shapes and colors, but I cannot read you that sign over there. No matter how much I try, I just can’t.
Have you considered the possibility that you don’t have ADHD or that your symptoms are on the very mild side? You clearly have no understanding of executive dysfunction.
Your experience isn’t everyone’s experience, and judging people who struggle more helps no one. I was medicated as a teenager, grew out of it, then suddenly got whacked over the head by it coming back in my late twenties. Medication has helped, and I’ve learned a lot of tricks to manage it, but the fact that I have to work twice as hard or more to do basic things that other people do without thinking means it clearly is a disability. I’m also autistic and I feel far more disabled by my ADHD than my autism.
It’s not that we think we have zero responsibility or whatever - it’s that, as you described, we put in a lot of effort to find coping mechanisms and management strategies, and then people like this cut-rate psych point to the results of that effort and say ‘See, it’s gone!’ It’s not gone, you dingbat, we have to manage it and it takes a lot of work, and maybe it would be nice - just once - to get some recognition for all that work we’re doing rather than pretending the problem doesn’t exist any more.
Nothing you said is helpful to anyone with this condition, regardless if you have it or not. Please take your organizers and calendars and reminders and bootstraps and kindly post elsewhere.
what they mean by that is, “thank god they learned to mask the problem so they stop inconveniencing us”
As someone who has many ADHD traits, but never formally diagnosed, I always view this perspective as strange. Like you’re so incensed by it, you get defensive and almost act like you have zero responsibility on the issue and everyone should just accept you and allow you concessions because you can’t keep your shit together.
I’ve certainly ‘grown’ out of a lot of it, but a lot of it is hard work and establishing habits to minimise issues. It lets me live a better life and to treat it like a disability is only selling yourself short.
I am not diagnosed either and I too have managed my life somewhat okayish so far because I have some really good people around me, but at the same time I know A LOT of ADHDers irl and they are all very different both when it comes to severity of their symptoms and what types of symptoms they have.
What is somewhat manageable to me is impossible to others and what others are able to do, I am unable to myself.
I know high functioning ADHDers and I know severe cases where their symptoms are so bad, even when on medication, that they will never be able to function in society.
If I may compare, you and I may be partially blind. It is definitely enough to affect us in our daily lives. At least it is for me. But we are able to manage and somewhat navigate the world and we can still see shapes and colors, just very out of focus.
What you’re essentially doing with your post is asking someone who was born without eyes to see as well as you do. “Just get some glasses. It worked for me.”
But they are blind, bro. They don’t have eyes. Both of you are blind, but blindness is on a spectrum, just like ADHD is.
I never considered that what I was dealing with could be ADHD because the ADHDers I had known up until that point were the severe cases and they never got any better. Some of them didn’t try at all while others really did their best and yet they still failed constantly.
I’m relatively good at hiding my failings so people don’t notice unless they are paying attention. But I still fail almost daily despite having tried all types of organizing systems, scolding myself into getting my shit together and establishing this and that routine. I always fail. I keep trying, but I will never be able to get good at having structure in my life no matter how much I want it. I can see shapes and colors, but I cannot read you that sign over there. No matter how much I try, I just can’t.
Have you considered the possibility that you don’t have ADHD or that your symptoms are on the very mild side? You clearly have no understanding of executive dysfunction.
Never formally diagnosed lol.
Your experience isn’t everyone’s experience, and judging people who struggle more helps no one. I was medicated as a teenager, grew out of it, then suddenly got whacked over the head by it coming back in my late twenties. Medication has helped, and I’ve learned a lot of tricks to manage it, but the fact that I have to work twice as hard or more to do basic things that other people do without thinking means it clearly is a disability. I’m also autistic and I feel far more disabled by my ADHD than my autism.
Don’t cut yourself on that edge.
It’s not that we think we have zero responsibility or whatever - it’s that, as you described, we put in a lot of effort to find coping mechanisms and management strategies, and then people like this cut-rate psych point to the results of that effort and say ‘See, it’s gone!’ It’s not gone, you dingbat, we have to manage it and it takes a lot of work, and maybe it would be nice - just once - to get some recognition for all that work we’re doing rather than pretending the problem doesn’t exist any more.
Nothing you said is helpful to anyone with this condition, regardless if you have it or not. Please take your organizers and calendars and reminders and bootstraps and kindly post elsewhere.
That makes me want to post here more though…