Me
I’ve never realized it could get this bad. I’ve always been miserable my whole life, but i feel like i’ve hit a new low. The combination of middle eastern politics, toxic environment and stressful worklife is such a toxic one…
I took a day off today, because i was so anxious that all i could do is lie on the couch and pray it passes. Didn’t have anyone to help me, since everyone i knew was asleep (i wake up very early) or i didn’t want to annoy them. I felt like i just wanted to jump off the building to stop the pain.
Then i took zoloft a couple of minutes ago. I’m not having a panic attack anymore (hence me creating this post) but i still feel so shitty. I’ve had a horrible day before it even started, and i have a huge backlog of work that i have to finish in two days. Usually i forget to take zoloft, since i felt like it doesn’t have an effect at all on me (maybe i’ll make another post about this later) But i guess it helps a little.
Bah, rant over.
The last two weeks all I’ve done is mostly sleep and work. I thought I was doing a bit better last week but I guess not, I basically slept the entire weekend. I bought some new video games but couldn’t get into them.
Yesterday I cooked a stew and enjoyed that, it tastes great, so that felt good. Cooking is meditative for me.
Work has been busy, but it’s not an uncomfortable kind of busy. I know the job market is going to go to shit soon so I am trying to show I’m worth my keep.
I definitely put on some weight this winter so I’m trying to lose weight. Working out still sucks — I’m so out of shape and I can’t find the right things to distract my brain while exercising.
OP I’m sorry you’re going through that. The toxic workplace situation was me last year and I know how that can feel. I hope things get better for you soon.